The Diaries Of the Fellowship
by I-rule-mirkwood-muhahahah
Summary: Once, someone uncovered a treasure box with many books inside. They were diaries of the fellowship! Now, that person is going to spill thier secrets to the whole world! Very funny! :) Read and Review.
1. Prologue

Diaries of the LOTR Characters Prologue  
  
Once upon a time-NOT! This is a story I created. Well, of course I created it! I discovered a house next to my dentist's office and it was a huge mansion. Inside, was a big chest and inside it, were a bunch of books. I blew off the dirt and read the first title. "Legolas Greenleaf." The others read, "Aragorn" and "Gimli" etc. I was being my usual curious and nosy self so I opened them and read them. Now, I'm disturbing the characters' privacy and telling their secrets to the whole world! I don't care if the Fellowship hates me. I just want to enjoy myself! Please be a nice guy and read on, to Leggy's diary. 


	2. Legolas Greenleaf

Chapter #1 Legolas Greenleaf  
  
Day 1 I got this diary  
  
I had my 2,675th birthday today and mommy like so totally gave me this book! It is like such an unfashionable birthday present! It's got an ugly, brown cover and yellow pages. Yuck. Daddy took me to the salon and that is like so totally cool. I got my hair done in braids! They look so pretty! I thought that as long as I have this freakin' book, I'll just like totally use it.  
  
Day 2  
  
My daddy told me to get out of the bathroom. Like, can't the world give me like any privacy! I needed to do my hair. *sighs* the world doesn't understand how much my hair means to me.  
  
Day 3  
  
Oh my god! You won't believe what totally happened to me today! I was on my 23d hour in the bathroom and suddenly, I saw a pimple! I don't know what happened then. I think I passed out. Oh, it was dreadful! I mean, you should have seen it! It was huge and ugly! Oh, I can't even think about it. Now I'm in the Greenleaf hospital, getting plastic surgery to remove it. It cost me $653,678,983,867,980 to remove it. That's worth two days of hair care!  
  
Day 4  
  
I went to the Greenleaf public mall today and I like totally had so much fun! I went shopping in the bath and body works and bought myself some lotion and cream and body wash. I smelled so good when I came out of the bathroom. Too bad nobody was there to admire me because I came out at 4:00 am. I went in at 6:00 pm and daddy said that it was way too much time. Daddy won't understand because he's getting old and his hair is getting crinkled. The bad new is that a new pimple came. I went back to the hospital to remove it.  
  
Day 5  
  
Oh my god! Like the most embarrassing thing happened to me today. Ok, like I was like at the Greenleaf restaurant and oh my god! It's too much to think about! I had a strand of hair sticking up! Oh, my god! I think I fainted after that! I can't remember much! That's why I had to put a pound of hairspray onto it to fix it. On the bright side though, I had an excellent beauty sleep last night! I was so beautified when I woke up. Oh, my god! I like never felt better in my whole life!  
  
Day 6  
  
I took such a soothing bath today. I had a bath with warm water with roses floating on the surface of the water. It was like so like totally fun!  
  
Day 7  
  
I was invited to a special meeting today! I hope it's a fashion meeting. Or even better! I fashion show! But then, Daddy came and told me that it was a meeting about a cheap piece of jewelry! That is so not right. That's why I didn't bother wearing one of my best outfits. I just wore a plain old brown rug with a hole in it for my head. Just in case, I wore one of my most flashy outfits underneath it. Like, in the meeting, I was supposed to guard this little guy who was going to like totally take this freaky ring to a mountain to burn it. Or was it a volcano? Who cares anyway! Elrond and his dumb self told me to guard him. At first, I said that I would never to such a thing in my life. But then, he said that he'll buy me concealer to conceal my pimples. I was kind of like offended because I realized that I probably had a zit on me. But I did the job.  
  
Day 8  
  
I met a lot of new people today. I met this freaky guy who said he was a king. I don't believe him because he looked way too dirty to be a king. I also met this ugly freak who said he was a dwarf. He was really mean. I called me a girl. That was like so totally rude. I also met this disgusting guy who's name was Sam. He was like practically in love with this other guy named Frodo. Yuck! *Girly squeal* I also met these two other guys named Merry and Pippin. They're ugly! And I met a guy named Burryme or um, Burnme, or um, wait! Boromir was his name. I could tell he used Thermasilk shampoo because that stuff makes your hair stick together. I also met an old freak named Gandalf. He probably uses Loriel shampoo for extreme seniors. Don't ask because I know everything about hair and makeup.  
  
Day 9  
  
I had a major tragedy today. I couldn't take a bath because there wasn't any water! You haven't heard the worst part. When I found a pond and went to bathe in it, it was mucky! And when I got out, a leech was stuck on me. Yuck! *Girly Squeal* Aragorn pulled it out. And also, the blood that was left on me, clashed with my outfit! Oh my god!  
  
Day 10  
  
Like oh my god! We went to the land of the elves today and like, it was so much fun. Oh my god! Like I actually blended in! There were a million other elves there and this antique name Galadriel. Like oh my god! She has no taste in jewelry. And she looks so like scary when she looks at Frodo. Like oh my god! She was like so freaky! Like oh my god. I was like so freaked out. And I met a cool guy named Haldir. He like so understood my sense in fashion. Like he bought the same clothes as me and he had elf ears. The only thing he didn't have was my lovely face.  
  
Day 11  
  
Like oh my gosh! I was like at the mall and oh my god! I bought everything there! The ladies that ran the shop just stared at me like they were in their own world and said, "You don't have to pay for this." Well, I don't know what made them do it but I liked getting free stuff.  
  
Day 12  
  
Like today was like so totally scary! There was this war and I hid behind a tree the whole time! So I didn't get shot. Fortunately for me, Boromir died. I hated him anyway. That's why I acted so clueless in the movie when he died. Oh well, too bad. And the good news is, Frodo and Sam sailed away and Merry and Pippin got carried away by some freaks made of mud. Today was a really good day. I was so relieved when Sam and Frodo sailed away. So was Aragorn. Well, I'll be back a year later for the next movie.  
  
Day 377  
  
Ok I'm like so totally back with a new makeover and wig. Didn't you notice that this wig has less frizzy hair? Well, in this movie, I'm more important than Aragorn. This movie is all like totally war where the director paid me $9,000,000,000 to do one or two scenes in the war. I was like so grossed out! Like totally! Ok, goodbye. Oh yeah, we won the war. I'll be back next year for the final movie.  
  
Day, um. I've lost track  
  
Well, I'm like so totally siked that I'm actually in a movie that won an Oscar award! Like in this movie, I was only in one or twenty scenes. This is not fair! And dumb Aragorn who bathes in muck got all the important scenes like when he became king and when he went to have a chat with the ghost king and when he was in the war. I was like so totally offended. I mean, I'm the prettier one. Aragorn just has pretty-he's completely ugly. Arwen just likes him 'cause he's her stepbrother. She is so lame. I mean, like look at her dialogue. "Do you remember the first day we met in preschool and I couldn't spell my name?" Like it was so totally BORING!  
  
Day-I'm lost  
  
I had so much fun filming Pirates of the Caribbean! Whoops! Wrong movie. Well, I ran out of pages and I don't really mind because it was an ugly book anyway. I'll get a pink one next time. Or maybe purple.  
  
-Legolas the prettiest! Oh, I mean Legolas Greenleaf. 


	3. Aragorn

Diary #2 Aragorn  
  
Disclaimer: I am a huge fan of LOTR and POTC but I do not own any of the characters.  
  
Day 1 I got this diary  
  
Dear diary, I'm only 2 years old. (I'm still not adopted by Elrond) I think. I found this book in the middle of a puddle after it rained. I treasure this book still. For when I am king, I will share it with my loyal subjects. Like algebra and language arts and reading and writing and Spanish and French, Um, wait. Wrong subjects.  
  
Day 2  
  
I had pancakes and eggs and milk for breakfast today. Then I went on the phone with Ilsidur, my great, great, great um, something. Unfortunately, he wasn't there and the answering machine was on. "Hi, this is Ilsidur. The great king who hates his future great, great, great um I think grandson named Aragorn. I killed Sauron and got his freakin' ring. But then I died. You have reached the home of Ilsidur, who is dead and please leave a message after the beep. Thank you." That was pretty rude. So I just hung up on him even if he wasn't there. Then I went to bathe in muck. I got pretty dirty (which is good if you look at it from my point of view.)  
  
Day 3  
  
I fell on the street so this freaky guy named Elrond adopted me. He has this daughter named Arwen. Oh, my gosh! You should look at how fat she is right now. She doesn't stop looking at me. Doesn't she know that staring is rude?!?!?!?  
  
Day 4  
  
I'm growing old. I think I got a strand of white hair. Oh wait, that's just paint. Arwen probably did this. Let me kill her! Ahhhhrggg!  
  
Day 5  
  
Elrond grounded me for beating Arwen into a pulp. I hate that bald ugly freak! He walks around going on like, "Oh, look at me! I'm an ugly freak elf and I have a misshapen head. I have big pointy ears and I'm also Agent Smith." I hate that guy. He thinks he's all that. And I hate his freakin' daughter but his sons are hoodlums and they're a lot of fun. Like Fred and George Weasley. Wait, um-wrong story.  
  
Day 6  
  
It's time for me to grow up. And age really old.  
  
Day 7 and I grew up into a Ranger  
  
For some reason, I can't stop looking at Arwen. It's too bad she has a swollen face. She is such a hygiene freak. To think, she told me to bathe in water! Oh my god! I never heard of such a thing. I had an omelet for breakfast. And I had an apple for lunch. And I had an apple for dinner. I LOVE apples! They're really good.  
  
Day 8  
  
Today, I found a treasure chest. It was full of gold! But it was cursed. It made you immortal. I know. Elrond told me that I watched POTC too much. That's why he crushed my entertainment system. I hate Arwen. I also hate Elrond. They're both pointy-eared freaks! I hate them, I tell you! I hate them!  
  
Day 9  
  
This is all about Arwen. And how much I hate her. She rode a horse around Rivendell and I know I heard the horse grunting. After Arwen got off, the horse collapsed and died. Poor horse. I should tell Arwen to go on a diet and loose some weight. I mean look at me. I'm 29 and I only weigh 56,789,678 pounds. I hate Arwen. I really, really hate her. She's so fat and she's got a swollen face. And she's too magical. She's accompanied by an angelic chorus. Yuck! I mean, how lame is that.  
  
Day 10  
  
This is all about Elrond. And my feelings towards him. And my feelings toward Elrond are how much I hate him. He is so mean! And so ignorant! He doesn't know anything. He doesn't even have any dress sense. Well, it's not like I have any either. He's got this messed up head and a retarted brain. I hate him. Tonight, I' going to murder him and then runaway so Arwen doesn't beat me to a pulp.  
  
Day 11  
  
I'm grounded. Elrond read my diary. Very rude. It's my personal business. I have a right to think about what I want to. I mean, he can't ground me for thinking he's a dumb, ugly freak.  
  
Day 12  
  
I got kicked out of the house and I'm heading towards the Prancing Pony. I'm going to get myself a drink there.  
  
Day 13  
  
I got to the Prancing Pony. I met a dumb guy named Frodo and a freak named Sam. I also met their friends named Merry and Pippin. They're really dumb. All of them. All they ever do is eat. Sam and Merry are already fat! And Frodo and Pippin are on their way there. I acted like I kidnapped Frodo at first. Then I saved them from dementors. Or someone like that. But then, they all wanted food so I gave them apples. (My favorite food.) I think they didn't want them. How could somebody not like apples!?!?!?!?!?  
  
Day 14  
  
Tonight, we slept in a cave. It was SO comfortable! I thought I was sleeping in heaven. But for some reason, the dumb hobbits didn't like it. They were being their dumb, usual selves and made a fire. And then Frodo started doing jumping jacks on the fire. Nobody could resist laughing at that so the dementors came. I bet they were telling each other not to make any eye contact with Frodo and the hobbits but Sauron commanded them to so they had no choice. I was hoping that one of the dementors would suck out Frodo's soul but unfortunately, they just stabbed him. So I had to save the dumb guy. Pity me.  
So I had to go get some kingsfoil. Guess who showed up there. Ms. Freak-me-out Arwen. She made sure that I got kingsfoil for Frodo and not poison. I tried to poison the kingsfoil though, by chewing it up so it would rot because of my awful breath but unfortunately, it saved Frodo. My life sucks.  
Fortunately, I got Arwen to take Frodo to the hospital for the  
mental-no wait.  
Rivendell. Yeah. I got rid of them both with one shot.  
  
Day 15  
  
We traveled to Rivendell. Elrond gave me no choice. I found out that  
Elrond had become  
Agent Smith and attached a microscopic camera to my bangs. He knew  
that it wouldn't  
just wash off because I only wash my hair once every ten years.  
  
Day 16  
  
When we got there, Elrond asked me to hand him my diary. I told him "NEVER!" But he told me that if I don't show it to him, he'd ban me from kingship. I still didn't let him take it but then he said that he'd make me Frodo's bodyguard for life so I had to do it. He read it and he got angry at what I wrote. It's MY PERSONAL BUSINESS EVEN IF I AM GING TO SHARE IT WITH MY SUBJECTS WHEN I BECOME KING! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD HIM THAT?!?!? BUT NOOOOOOOOOO.  
  
Day 17  
  
Elrond ordered me to go to an Elrond Council kind of thing. I went  
because I didn't want  
to become Frodo's bodyguard for life. Unfortunately, I became Frodo's  
bodyguard  
anyway. So me and eight other freaks including the hobbits and a pain-  
in-the-butt  
Boromir had to go destroy some evil ring. So we set off. It's  
nighttime and I'm going to go sleep on a rock. I'll write in the morning.  
  
Day 18  
  
I met some new people today. I met an elf who thinks he's hot which he really isn't. And then suddenly a fan girl of his popped out of nowhere and screamed at me, "HE IS!" What's her problem? I told her that girls have bad taste and they just think that he's hot because they haven't seen me yet but then the girl just squealed and barfed. Some dumb elf he is. He thinks he's hot. Yeah, right. And he is such a hygiene freak. Must be related to Arwen. I mean, have you seen how clean he looks. He' so clean, it's scary.  
I also met an ugly dwarf named Gimli. He's almost like me! We're both dirty freaks. He's only fatter and shorter and he has a beard. I can fell my best friend radar going haywire.  
I met an old freak named Gandlaf too. He thinks he's a wizard but he can't get himself out of a paper bag. I wish he were dead. He is almost as devoted to Frodo as Sam. He's the one who is nuts about me looking over Frodo carefully.  
  
Day 19  
  
We walked.and walked.and walked.and walked. And we got nowhere.  
  
Day 20  
  
We walked.and walked.and walked.and walked.and walked.and got nowhere.  
  
Day 21  
  
We walked.and walked.and walked.and walked.and walked. and got nowhere.  
  
Day 22  
  
Gandalf was sick of not getting anywhere so he tried to use his magic stick to get us to Mount Doom where the ring's supposed to get destroyed. It didn't work so we got transported to a mountain of snow. (I knew he was an amateur.)  
I envy the prissy, hot elf. While we were trudging along in waist deep snow, he was prancing prettily on the top of the snow, being pretty. Thinks he's hot! Yeah, right! No, he's only pretty. He only THINKS he's hot. But he's not even close! Just pretty. And being pretty is for girls so he's not even pretty. I told him that but he said, "I'm beyond pretty. I'm beautiful! *Girly squeal*" He's dumb. Little vain elf!  
Gandalf was being dumb so he asked his ex buddy named Sauroman to encourage us along with a giant avalanche. I wanted to beat him into a pulp for asking such a favor but the avalanche did it for me. The entire fellowship was glaring at Gandalf.  
  
Day 23  
  
We went to the Hallways of Moria. They weren't like usual hallways that were all narrow and carpeted. These were hard rock floors and they were better than usual hallways. But there was this big gap there. The elf was being his prissy, hot self and jumped over first while the gap was still small. "If I die, all my fan girls will die," was what he said. Gandalf agreed. I think the prissy elf brainwashed him.  
Then Boromir jumped next while carrying Merry and Pippin and his pain-in-the-butt self. He said, "If I die, all my fan girls will die." I told him, "What fan girls?" So he kicked me before jumping over the gap. I gave him a little sympathy because he had to carry the fat hobbits.  
Gandalf jumped over next and he told me to stay with Frodo no matter what. I felt even more bad for him because he had to carry Sam and his really fat self.  
I felt the worst for myself because I had to stay with Frodo. He was so scared, he wet himself. Fortunately, the gap broke and they came together. Unfortunately, I couldn't pretend to drop Frodo in the gap and because nobody was carrying any spare pants for Frodo so he reeked for the whole journey.  
  
Day 24  
  
I know this wasn't in the movie but we stopped in the hallway to rest for the night. Unfortunately for me, I couldn't pretend to push Frodo off in my sleep because Gandalf had used his magic stick to build a wall around Frodo.  
  
Day 25  
  
Today was my lucky day! We lost Gandalf in the Hallways of Moria. THANK YOU GOD! THANK YOU! I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE BECAUSE OF FRODO BUT YOU SAVED ME. HALALUIA!!! Yay! Good thing nobody knew that I ACCIDENTALLY pushed him.  
  
Day 26  
  
This wasn't in the movie either. We got out of the hallways of Moria and roamed around for a bit. Then the prissy elf boy led us to fairyland. Well, that's what he called it. Arwen would love this place but who cares about her? Well, this place was yucky and girly. The entire place was pink and purple. There was this one place in there that was full of shower stalls and mirrors. The prissy elf ran into one and told me that I could use one too. I got really scared and backed out of sight. I heard the prissy elf boy singing in the shower really loud. "I AM BEAUTIFUL, NO MATTER WHAT THE RANGER SAYS. WORDS CAN BRING YOU DOWN. OHHHHHH! I AM BEAUTIFUL IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! WORDS CAN BRING YOU DOWN! OHHHHH!" Gandalf used his magic stick thing to get us all earplugs. The elf might think he's hot, but his singing sucks.  
Gimli was in a jolly mood too. He was singing too but not in the shower. He doesn't even know what that is. "Frodo, the big-eyed hobbit, has really big eyeballs. And if you ever saw him, you would laugh out loud. All of the other hobbits, made a lot of fun of him. They never let him join in, in any hobbit games. Then one foggy, dangerous eve, Gandalf came to say, in his underwear. Frodo with your eyes so scary, won't you help me beat Sauroman up tonight. Then all the hobbits loved him.um-I forget the rest." You don't know how bad that sounds.  
  
Day 27  
  
We had a war today. It was really good. The good part was that the pain-in- the-butt Boromir died. Yay! And also, Merry and Pippin got carried away by orcs. Yay! And the greatest part is, that Frodo and Sam sailed away! Double YAY! Yahoo! Too bad the prissy elf couldn't die too. But no, he hid behind a tree the whole time and said that if he dies, all his fan girls would die. I'll be back in a year for the Two Towers.  
  
Day 28  
  
I was stuck with Pretty boy elf and Gimli the great. I hate this movie because some people said that the prissy elf had a more important role than me. How rude. I am the king after all.  
  
Day 29  
  
There was a big war. I was so angry at the prissy elf. I called him an ugly freak so he pushed me off a cliff. I refused to die so cheaply. Elrond held a huge party and the prissy elf was the guest star.  
  
Day 30  
  
I think that this movie sucks. First of all, the prissy elf is the main character. Second of all, Gandalf came back as Gandalf the white and plus, he has horse that matches his outfit. Third of all, everyone thought that I died because of falling off a cliff and Elrond had a party! I hate this movie so much, that I think that I might die from talking about it too much. That's why I'll be back, for Return of the King.  
  
Day 31  
  
I love this movie. I won't spare a single detail! First, I took a deep breath. Then I exhaled. I looked around.  
  
*A part of the audience pops out of nowhere. "Get to the point already!"*  
  
All right! Geez! There was a huge war and the prissy elf boy did a Tarzan thing on an oliphant and I killed a lot of orcs and I got help from the ghost king even though I didn't need it but Gandlaf forced me to so I had no choice. Then I became king and I married Arwen even though I didn't want to and I was forced to bow to the ugly hobbits. Happy!  
  
*kid, "yup"*  
  
Ok. Well, I'll be back. You'll see me in Hidalgo in a few months! And this time, I won't have a prissy elf taking my parts.  
  
-- Aragorn.um, what's my last name? Oh, I'll just go through the list: Aragorn, Estel, oh for get it. 


End file.
